THE STORY OF “THAT” WHITE SHIRT

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This is not a piece of literature! This is a piece of me venting out all my frustration! So bear with me!

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Tell me about shopping!

Because I can’t!

Well. At least, not any more!

Now, don’t get me all wrong here. If you think I am that typical guy who hates shopping and has no patience when all the women in my life go to malls and I stand cribbing in one corner… Hold your nails right there! That is my Dad! And although I might look like him… I am more like my Mother!!!

Thanks to the demi-aristocratic society that surrounds me, and where everyone thinks they will be in page three, shopping was an essential part of growing up… with all the parties and blah blah blah!

But today was beyond limits!!

Well, all thanks to my lovely Dad who wanted “THAT” one white shirt… Now, what do you mean by “THAT” white shirt? Well, for a man who hates shopping from the core of his heart, my father turns out to be a shop attendant’s nightmare by being a bit too particular about what he wants! First, he does not come with my mother and me to the mall and then he gives us more than elaborate instruction of what he needs. Which is: “THAT” one white shirt which he liked “THAT” time.

Yea Dad!! You are the Miranda Priestly and I am Andrea!!!

(For those who did not understand the last line, it was a reference to the movie The Devil Wears Prada)

So, Mommy and me hit off to search for “THAT” white shirt… which we found after exactly after 3 hours and 45 minutes of rampaging through every shop over three floors!

So what was “THAT” white shirt?

It turned out to be a double ply thread woven cotton shirt with single cuff link. And in “snow white” colour!

SNOW WHITE!!

SERIOUSLY!!!

If we did not have enough problems in this world already, the companies have actually managed to invent 28 different shades of white!!! I mean, how much different can white be!!!!

And for all those hopeless shop-o-philes, if you want “THAT” white shirt go visit Zodiac! They have walls full of all types of white. And while you are at it, also please nominate them for the Nobel Peace Prize for contributing to so much of world peace with all that white!!!!

And if that shirt was not enough, has the entire world gone mad? Is a shopping mall the only place left in the city to hang out? What’s with all that crowd!!! If we were at war and there was a bomb shelter, even that would draw less people. First, you have the hassle of security at the gate and thanks to the throngs of people who drop in for touching everything in a mall… it takes ages to get in! And once you are in, it takes ages to find your way through the circus!!

People! Go get a life! Go read books and visit museums! Or sit by the Ganges! There are places outside the glass façade of a mall! Go there!!! I hate this lot for whom a city is nothing but a bunch of malls!! You live in Kolkata… a city that has so much of history and heritage… and all you want to see is a mall? SERIOUSLY!!! 

And if that were not all, God help you if you decided to go to buy groceries! With this being the first Saturday of the month, and so close to the payday, every one buys stuff as if food will no longer be sold for the next few years!

I saw this man pushing three shopping-carts full of edibles! Now, either he was hosting a marriage party or he was one of those hoarders we keep hearing about in the news... Amidst all the traffic jam of shopping-carts and the fight for the last remaining packet of Tortillas, I finally managed to reach the billing counter only to be dissuaded again by the never-ending queue… And I mean it quite literally. Because by the time, you reach the counter, you become best buddies with the person standing behind you (in my case a lovely French lady who was equally flustered with all this commotion!)

And what is with me and the French??!!! Why is it that wherever I go, I find French people!! Why can’t they be British or Dutch or Japanese!!! Or Chinese!! There are over a billion Chinese in this Earth and I never manage to run into even one. With all the French I find it so hard to keep a straight face while they talk. And of course I don’t laugh ‘coz I don’t want them to feel bad!!!

And if that was not all, the family of the Commissioner of Police decided to drop in to the mall too, resulting in humongous police presence outside the mall, which scared all the taxi drivers like sh** and they refused to stop and take passengers!

And finally, when you do get home after the exhausting 7 long hours of the hounding experience, dear Daddy says, “He could have got 4 better white shirts for the price of “THAT” one white shirt!”

Yes, I am angry! Very very Angry!