Open Dialogues

“My Ass is open. The heart is not.”

He could not have been any more honest. 

And I understood. But I wanted it. I really, really wanted it. 

But what could I do? 

***

“What is it that you wanted so much?” 

She asked with her eyes peering in deep as if she could see through the flesh, looking straight at the dark soul that rested underneath.

“I wanted the next big heartbreak.” 

I said without thinking.

“We really could have been that—the talk of the town. We would have looked amazing. The sex was awesome. We could have just created the most toxic, beautiful world - the two of us. A passion that amounts to poison. And after a few months, as it always goes with toxic bubbles, it would pop, and we would have felt the pain. I would have felt the pain, and for once, I would feel alive.”

I smiled.

***

“Pushing past the limits, tripping on hallucinogenics.”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

***

I was already exhausted with the feeling of longingness. All this, wanting my emotions to be validated, reminded me of my early twenties. Heartbreaks of youth, including the unrequited love I felt every second day was fun in the university. Now, it seemed very passe.

So I lied to myself. 

I said, “let’s be friends.”

***

“Why do you think you deserve a heartbreak?”

She always had that look. Like Dumbledore looking at Harry. Soft eyes that could see through the clouded thoughts.

“Every moment is fleeting, and that’s why it is beautiful. Would it still be beautiful if it were not to end? Anyways, isn’t it better that way? For things to end? I would never know how to keep it moving.”

I tried to smile.

“So, it’s just about the control? You know it’s going to end anyway. You know you don't really want it. So why not it just end the way you want?”

Her face was the same.

“Well, at least then, I will have my story.”